A cake for all occasions...

Between my house and The Black Lion lies a party shop. For a very long time they had a lot of novelty celebrity masks in the window. Paired up together sitting comfortably together as per were what appeared to be Whoopi Goldberg and Bob Monkhouse. And I'm not trying to be hilarions. I honestly think that's what they were supposed to be. I did take a photo, and meant to put it up, but it came out all dark, and I deleted it from the phone, thinking, they will never change the display. Then - guess what viewers, they changed the display! Groo!

Anyway - they have changed it to this:

Which seems to be a cake specifically for Lucy or Barbie to congratulate them on being run over by a cartoon bulldozer.

But, I can see why they've done it. That happens a lot in Kilburn. That and decapitations.

Google Search Poetry Fit The Second

Here are a couple more examples of Google Search poetry. You really have to work the inflections on the these, with the full teenage angst, for the best effect.

Here's an ode to the future with 'Children'.
















And another very questioning piece entitled - 'Was There Ever...?'

Google Search Poetry

I've noticed that Google has started suggesting things that I might be searching for. I don't know why the good people at Google think I have suddenly lost the wherewithal to know what it is I'm actually looking for, but there you have it. The upshot of their suggestions is that the list of Google search suggestions very often looks like a piece of sixth form poetry.

Here are some examples...

A touching piece entitled 'I Can't Believe...'














Or a more political one entitled 'Why Does Everyone...?'














Plenty more where these came from...

Why not try your own?

I'm pretty sure this is genuine. I'll definitely answer with all my details.

I missed the other 49...

Now I like dat movie - de one with Susan Sarandon plays dat vicar, and Harvey Milk plays dat...dat guy on the death row.

I wanna do a movie that's fifty times better dan dat movie. Is dat possible?

Is it? Is it? How would you go about making a movie dat's fifty times better dan dat one?



Dat's it!

Jesus Spends

I was in Waitrose yesterday. That's right recession, I said Waitrose. I'm giving the credit crunch the treatment with my wilful spending. Anyway, I was admiring the chutneys (I eventually only bought some mustard) when there was an announcement on the tannoy. 'Would Jesus please come to customer service.' Which I enjoyed. And then, a few moments later it came again with a small change. 'Would Mr Jesus please come to customer service.' And that was it. Jesus may be the ever loving son of God, but he likes to be addressed by his proper title, or he's just not going to go to customer services.

I wondered what the problem was. Maybe it was...heh...heh....maybe they'd...heh...run out of bread and...heh...heh...fishes....

Sorry Mr. Jesus.

Oh yes. When I got to the checkout, I ended up standing behind Miss Popoff off of from Rentaghost. Coincidence? I think not....

I posted this up on Twitter a little while ago, but I thought I'd post it here as well. It's a stretched canvas print of Paul Ross being sold on Amazon. What's great about it are the 168 reviews of people who claim to have bought it. It really starts to make up for all those dreadful comments you read on You Tube videos and the like when you see lots of people being genuinely funny. I'll quote a couple...
Please note - 74 out of 77 people found that last one helpful. That means that three people read the whole thing and then decided, on the whole, it was unhelpful.

I posted my own. What I did was, copy Bill Paxton's biog from Wikipedia and do a 'Find and Replace' with 'Bill Paxton' and 'Paul Ross'. I think it came out rather well.


I'll post again. With a certain irregularity.